I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
