You can't motorboat a personality
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
