I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
