You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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