cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
