Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
