I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
