I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
