also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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