i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
