stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
