that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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