My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
