Capitaan dildo arrescate!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
