my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
