u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
