I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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