My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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