If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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