Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
