Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
