wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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