no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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