Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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