When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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