well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize