I'm jealous of your bromance
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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