i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i think im in europe. pls send help
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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