I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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