we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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