Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
