I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
