The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
