wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
