I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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