I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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