I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
