you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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