We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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