how can u be prego again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
smell my finger.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize