Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Couch. On fire.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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