i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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