i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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