Can i not drive my cunt home
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
