he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
