i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
