You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I deserve this hangover.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
