i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
