they need to just BURY HIM!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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