You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize