those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize