i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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