I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
