The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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