planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
