I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
MIDGETS
????
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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