If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
