i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
