i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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