One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize