So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
