It's like God shit irony all over that family
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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