my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
