I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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