then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
