I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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