I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
