a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
