I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
