I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
