It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
